“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”
I have always daydreamed about that day, you know- how in that underpass we’d bump into each other again after one or two years, both of us in our corporate attires, how on that day, things will be the other way around. You’d have to stop and stare to see if I’m still that same awkward person you met back in college. Maybe, you would smile and ask me to have coffee with you to do some catching up, then get my number so that we can talk more, or maybe my imagination’s just messed up.
Perhaps in the future, you won’t be that person I stared at from afar, keeping my glances quick to avoid making myself obvious as I already was. And I won’t be that hopeless girl who makes excuses for every reply you fail to make, that girl who’s inwardly worried about you whenever you get into trouble, who stops herself from hugging you every time you looked like you needed it. Maybe in that future, we will be different people. You won’t be as unreachable as you are today. And I would’ve grown out of these sorts of Disney princess and teleserye fantasies.
But for now, please let me stay in these daydreams.
Maybe you’ll care more. Maybe you’ll exert the effort to initiate talks rather than me mulling over sending you a dead-end reply which (of course) ended that short conversation I have always longed to have with you. Maybe if I looked a little more presentable or maybe if I try to be more fit, maybe I’ll be easier to notice- maybe you won’t be as snobbish.
I guess you are my karma for each time I have coldly turned down those who expressed affection for me, for each time I pushed away anyone who cared. Maybe that Dude up there wanted to show me how heartless I was, and boy, did He show that the hard way.
Maybe in the next years, I won’t be wishing for a conversation with you during Christmas. Because I would then have been tired of staring at my phone thinking of ways to start one with you. I would be sick of thinking about how you are happily living your life without me. I would be tired figuring you out, your hair and everything marvelous about you.
Or maybe not.
Maybe that day in the underpass will come. And by then, I would have a choice, without being clouded by my fairytale-ish dreams, to decline your offer or step back into your world and get drawn back to that beautiful person who has inspired me to be better without him even knowing it.
I have no idea what I’ll choose when that time comes; but for now, I take comfort in the thought that I may not have had you, but I met you- that’s awfully sad but that’s enough for me. :)
I have grown up trained to impress people. I have grown up surrounded by people firing high expectations at me. I have grown up being this little actress in a play written by other people who didn’t even know me. I have grown up in a place where I had to be at the top of the competition for me to be recognized, for people to at least exert the effort to know me, for people to love me. I have grown up scrambling up to any pedestal I see, struggling for people to know that a certain Kim Taruc exists.
For the past 17 years, I saw “growing up” in this light. But then, during those years, I guess the only thing I did was to grow tall (and get fat, too) and not to grow up, at all. It’s such a shame that it took 18 years for me to realize that Shakespeare’s a liar. The world is not a stage. Men and women are not mere players. The world is our one and only shot to be true to ourselves. I’m not an actress who plays many parts, portrays many fake emotions and wears all those pretentious costumes.
During my 18th year, I felt how nice it is to be real, to get out of those costumes and tear those play scripts into pieces. This time, I can legitimately say that I have grown up.
And I learned all these because during my 18th year in this world, I met people who loved me regardless of whether I got a stunning 4.0 or a devastating 0.0, people who laughed at my flaws and shared with me their own secrets, too. I met people who were as vain as I am taking pictures even in a public bus.
I met people who pitied my corny jokes and laughed at them anyways. I earned new friends not by being good at something, but just being the real, weird me. I got people I can share those “landi” stories with.
I stayed with friends who can bear with my abnormal side and who still loved me in spite all my randomness.
I gained friends who were game with my magpakabeki-tayong-lahat moments.
I had friends with whom I shared lovely memories.
I got to share the stage where I can be real with people who I cherish.
I shared those times of stress and extreme happiness whenever deadlines are moved with great thesismates who kept me sane.
This year, I got to appreciate even more the presence of my family. To Mama who’d always tempt me away from my “diet”, to Papa who’d always tell me how my legs resemble those of Sharon Cuneta’s and tell me how wide my face is, to my Ninang and cousin who have always been kind to us, I love you sooo soooo sooo much. It would take another year for me to be this cheesy, so you better read this post a million times. :)
Before I move on forward to being a year older, a year wiser and a year prettier (I kid. I kid.) I take this chance to thank everyone who has been a part of the best year of my life so far, everyone who has made me realize that the true me was acceptable and lovable. I want to express that my heart is full of wonderful feelings for all of you. Thank you for letting me be as cheesy as this blog post is. Thank you for helping me to grow out of the box I was in back then. My 18th year has been life-changing because of all the things you have done for and taught me in your own little ways.
I love you all, and I warn you, people; I am the clingiest friend/ daughter/ niece/ cousin you’ll ever have. I intend to keep all of you in my life forever. <3
Nearly nineteen! <3
Tomorrow, I shall face the wrath of the modular term once more, and I will obviously have no more time to type in “http://www.tumblr.com” on my browser. Thus, I decided to create my last post for the month or maybe for the next three months.
Yesterday, my mom was off from work, and having nothing to do, she asked if we can watch my HS graduation. So we did.
The guest speaker in our graduation prepared her speech in the form of a letter to her past self (back when she was still in high school). The letter contained different things that would happen in the future (which is actually the present for the guest speaker)for her past self. It included various topics such as her love life, how she would meet lots of guys who are wrong for her but there was nothing to worry about because she would end up with the perfect one for her, her work, the uncertainties she would meet along the way and how she’d work for a “little company” called Microsoft in the future.
It was a nice little speech which inspired me to create a similar type of letter addressed to my future self, the Kim who will be in her modular term, pressured by all the homework, quizzes, tasks from her OJT and thesis stuff.
You may now be starting to think that I’m some lunatic talking to herself. Nope, I’m not yet crazy, you’d have to wait for the modular term to assume that. It’s just that if ever I have time in the future to go back to my blog and see this letter, hopefully, I’ll be able to remember to think straight, be unaffected by all the sleepless nights and continue persevering for what I really want.
Sooo here it goes:
To my future self (and maybe to all mod students out there),
I’m guessing (and I’m quite sure about this) that you are now injured by all the pile of work the school and your OJT has thrown at you. I’m not here to fool you and try to tell you that those stuff are just a piece of cake for you, because of course, they’re not.
I just want to remind you that you have gone through more difficult things and see, you’re still alive! Don’t even think about giving up just because your eyes are too heavy or your brain is screaming “Memory full!”. Plug in your earphones and play your most famous accounting theme songs (“I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz is really stellar. Or you can also opt for “Up All Night” by 1D and start dancing to wake yourself up but don’t forget to go back to your homework!) Take a quick bath if listening to music is not enough. Try doing jumping jacks. Or maybe if those are not enough, start praying. Hard. Very hard. Or maybe just pull one strand of hair from your arm, that’ll do the trick.
All my antics aside, let’s go back to the point I failed to make in the previous paragraph: Do not ever ever ever ever give up! Even if you fail in the end, you’ll look back with no regrets because you know you didn’t think of quitting. That, I think, is more fulfilling, than going back and realizing you could have done more.
Learn to manage your time well. During Mod2, your eyebags were not really from excessive homework but rather, from excessive Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, 9gag and mere staring at your laptop’s screen. If you have time to do things now, why still wait for tomorrow? Get your butt out of that chair and start getting your book, columnar notebook, ruler, calculator…you know the drill, so go on! If you don’t want to…. well, you shouldn’t even be thinking about that! I know that there will always be times when you think you just can’t take any more work, try finding a way of inserting fun into whatever you should do. Music, maybe? Or listening to your favorite teleseryes on the side? You’ll find a way, I’m sure of that. You’re you. You’re creative in terms of doing those kind of things. You can do that. Go go go! ;)
Keep yourself healthy during the term. Eat well. Make your tummy happy. That’s the best reward you can get for working very hard. You can worry about your expanding cheeks and your complaining weighing scale later. It’s hard to get distracted by a noisy and empty stomach while you are studying, all the more if you start getting sick, so it is indeed a must to eat well and find time for rest once in a while.
Hold on to your friends and let them hold on to you. You need the people around you to keep you sane. And you are also needed by your friends for the same reason. These are the people who make the modular term bearable. Always be by their side, especially during your exams (I kid. I kid.)! These are the people who will laugh at you if you get low during your quizzes. Feel free to laugh at their scores,too. Your friends are those who influence you to work harder, who challenge you with their little insults. Never hesitate to ask for help and always be there to offer your help, as well.
Lastly, as much as possible, do not let the stress take over you. Try to protect your mood from the effects of sleepless nights and restlessly writing hands. Smile a little more. That does a lot to relieve the stress. ;)
I can continue giving tips on how to remain sane during the upcoming modular term, but I am confident that you can do great things even without your past self’s advice. And besides, I still have lots to do for tomorrow’s first class. Good luck, future self. We can do it. We’ll be a CPA someday. ;)
Your past self who is desperately trying to hold on to the last hours of the vacation
I’ll keep this short since my eyes will give up any moment now.
Today’s my mom’s birthday (and it’s new year’s day), so we decided to go to SM Mall of Asia to watch another movie she wanted to see from the MMFF- One More Try.
I’m not really a big fan of those romantic, I’ll-kill-for-love, I’ll-cry-my-eyes-to-death type of movies, but One More Try is actually an exception. Just one little concern, I really didn’t like the fact that in the first few minutes of the movie, I was welcomed by the sight of Dingdong Dantes’ butt. Ugh.
Anyway, the plot was kind of engaging because of all the complications the story and the characters presented. It makes you wonder how everything will end. Don’t worry. I don’t have any plan of spoiling things, so go ahead and watch it to know more.
All four actors were great. And I mean GREAT. They really moved the audience with every facial expression, every tear and every line. It was weird, though, how Zanjoe Marudo moved the people in the opposite direction of what should be the mood of the movie. During that moment when Angel Locsin and Dingdong Dantes were doing these “adult things” (you know what I mean. I’m sure you do), the scene would then shift to Zanjoe crying, then the audience ends up laughing. I can’t really explain why, but I end up laughing with them.
It was somehow a pretty heavy movie for me because of all the conflicts and all the drama. Sometimes, you just have to release a heavy sigh and realize that you were holding your breath while watching each scene. Nevertheless, it was a good watch- interesting plot and phenomenal actors. Go on, go on. Watch it, but beware of all the snogging sessions, hugging, cuddling, touching and all those “adult things”.
Even though I don’t keep a blog, I’m thankful to have met you and is prolly one of the good things that has happened in 2012. The cheesiness ends there. Happy New Year! =)
It’s the last day of the year, and I would at least like to do something a bit productive before 2012 ends.
If I were to end up in Ms. Universe 2013 (well, dream on, Kim) and be asked if I have any regrets in life or maybe just in the previous year, 30 seconds will not be enough for me to list down all my could-have’s, would-have’s and should-have’s. I am no beauty queen (aaand that’s obvious) who believes that there should be no regrets in life. Though I really agree that we have the freedom to choose wherever we want our life to go, I think there will always be that inevitable tiny feeling of regret inside everyone that reminds us of what could have been if we chose the better choice.
Looking back, I regret the times I was too scared to grab opportunities and those times I was just too lazy to exert an effort to grab these chances. I regret sulking over little things, and being too hard on myself for each mistake I made. I regret wasting my time being depressed about things or people that won’t really come back regardless of how I feel. I regret the times I have been insensitive and took the people who loved me for granted. I regret the times I joked at the wrong time and hurt the right people. I regret not having the initiative to fix things with the people I argued with for a long time. I regret the times I hated every homily my mom gave me. Turns out she was right about everything.
I regret having the talent of pushing people away. I regret letting important people slip away. I regret my “amalayer” moments just to get out of trouble. I regret the times I chose my bed over exercise, cups of rice over vegetables, 9gag over Mods and a whole lot more.
I regret failing. I regret failing that Inner Soul audition. I regret not being able to get to the next round of Sing@Ning.
<Cue music: “I did my beeeest, but I guess my best wasn’t good enouuugh..”>
In just a few hours, it would be the time to throw away those regrets and start with a clean slate. But before we welcome 2013, allow me to express how grateful I am for everything I received this year. Besides, I’m not that angsty (correct word for that: “angst-ridden”) teenager you may have assumed while reading the first few paragraphs of this post.
I am grateful for the friends I met and kept along the way.
I am thankful for this pretty girl who is not aware of how beautiful, talented, smart and funny she is. I am grateful for every status she liked, for each of my cover she listened to, for the drawings she made for me, for every bit of support and love she gave me and for her mere presence in my life. Ms. Cybelle Yao, (no matter how lesby this sounds), life’s a lot greater and brighter with you. Thank you for being born to this world. Best friends forever (and now that sounded gay, but who cares?)! <3
I am grateful for meeting Mae Larin, the girl who has her own set of gestures, accents, expressions and dance steps enough to keep you laughing all day. I am thankful that I met a friend who is as abnormal (in a positive way) and as weird as I am. I’m thankful that I have someone to share my secrets with and to listen to my rants, from the outrageous complaints to those rants that really just don’t make any sense. I am glad that you are my friend and that we have gotten close this 2012. I know you’ll be teasing me for the rest of my life for typing in these cheesy lines, but still, I want to express how I really really really really enjoy your company and how I am really really really really grateful I discovered how it felt to have a sister and a partner-in-crime because of you.
I am grateful for having met these two girls Mae (again) and Danica who pulled me up during the Mod term. Being with two smart students really got me working and trying hard to get grades that won’t let me look like some ant whenever I stood (or sat) beside them. These two made being an accountancy student more bearable. Thanks, guys! Looking forward to a fun (ugh, in my dreams) Mod 3 with you! :D
I may have a small family at home, but I have met lots of people who treated me as their sister, people who cared for me and who I care for, as well. I am grateful for the good friends I met in DLSU. Very grateful.
I am also grateful to have been a part of the JPIA Artists’ Guild (JAG). I am thankful for that warm feeling of being a part of this family…
for being able to perform…
and for the gayness of its members. Yep. I’m thankful even for that.
I’m grateful for getting to be a runner in Taft4Dead and a…
zombie in Taft4Dead 2! :D
I’m thankful for being a project head, together with Aki Enriquez, of a socio-civic initiative that can change the lives of the little kids in Brgy. 704 - the development and furnishing of a Child-Friendly Clinic in the mentioned location.
I am grateful for the opportunities that came my way this year.
I am thankful for my parents. Though I guess they didn’t really end up with a happily ever after, my mom treated me as her very own princess and my dad listened to my stories in those short moments we meet. And that’s actually enough for me. I love my parents, and I am, indeed, lucky to have them. I will make sure that someday, I’ll be able to return the favor, give them a comfortable life and take care of both of them as I grow older.
I am thankful for my 18 years of existence. 18 years of keeping up with life, of meeting more friends, exploring more of the world and knowing more about myself.
I won’t be asking 2013 to be nice to me, rather, I will be nice to 2013 and welcome it with less regrets and more gratitude.
Happy New Year, everybody! :D
The good thing about exercise is that it makes you feel good about yourself and lessens your guilt for every ton of food you ate, though it’s not really taking any effect.
And it’s not taking any effect because eating is just so fun and rewarding and happy and heavenly and…ugh.. whatever.
Nope, there won’t be any ear-cleaning happening in this post. (And using pencils to clean your ears is not quite the best way to do that)
My special, artsy, charcoal-y pencils have suddenly decided to go ninja on me at the perfect time. Just when I have a sketch to finish, they go *poof*. So here, I decided to share with you how I survived finishing a portrait with just a short Mongol pencil, a very old eraser, a cotton ball and a cotton swab.
And since it’s Christmas, I will also give you a “walkthrough” on the whole process of sketching. I’ll give you a glimpse of every stage of this process (That sounded too formal, didn’t it?). No specific details or anything, since I am no good with words.
Let’s start with a photo we’ll be copying.
That’s my friend, Caits. Say hi. :)
Preliminary Sketch. Pencil strokes should be very light, because, you see, in real life, people don’t really have those thick black outlines. The only things that define one’s appearance are colors and shadows, but since this is only a sketch, we will rely on shadows alone.
I started with the eyes. And now the challenge comes in since I am using only one pencil, the weight of my strokes is the key into varying the darkness of the shading. I was able to create that “charcoal-y” effect by using the cotton swab or the cotton ball to smudge the shading I made depending on which part I am working on. You can also do the smudging with your finger but that will usually lead to accidentally leaving fingerprints all over the paper, so it’s not that clean a choice.
Then her clothes.
Then my most disliked part of sketching. The hair. Ugh. Shading it just feels like my wrist is about to fall off. If I could just give out sketches with people bald in it, I will, but of course, I won’t. Ugh.
But then, smudging the hair portion turns the cotton swab into a little charcoal which can be used to create the background for the portrait. The background I made was just composed of tiny circles I drew using the cotton swab, then ta-da! The paper’s not that blank-looking anymore! :D
There we have it. :) A portrait created with just one pencil and some cotton swabs.
To see more of the portraits I made, check out my website— http://kgt-art.tk
You can also order customized sketches via that site. :D
Sa dami-dami ng malls sa Pilipinas, sa RP pa rin ang uwi.
We spent Christmas day waiting and waiting and waaaaaaitiiing and then laughing as we watched Sisterakas, the entry of Vice Ganda, Ai-ai Delas Alas and Kris Aquino for the Metro Manila Film Festival. After an hour of waiting to get our tickets and another four hours of waiting for the movie, we finally got to watch the movie standing (or sometimes seated on the armrest of the girl’s chair by the aisle), unfortunately.
Luckily, the movie was worth the 5-hour wait and the pain my legs went through while standing in the theater. Nakabawi na si Vice Ganda sa kakornihan ng This Guy’s In Love With You Mare. And Ai-Ai’s sudden shift to her “landi accent” is really funny. I believe the movie would still be a hit even without Kris Aquino. It was awkward seeing her be a part of a comedy film and dance her “Rubadabango”, footwork included (At ang puti ng mukha nya, teh!). Oh dear. Both Daniel’s (Padilla and Matsunaga) were just too hot in this movie. :”> OH DEAR.
Got out of the movie house by 9:30pm, and then we attacked the huge Christmas tree at RP for more photos! Yay! :D
It’s me in those things they call skirts again. It makes me feel a little more girly, a little more special, cuter and oh..uhm..nevermind.
Hugging Santa Claus. Begging for more gifts throughout the year (Cue music: *Santa Baby*). :)
Christmas Day is finally over, and I hope everyone had fun in their own little ways. I kind of envy families with lots of members, but then who am I to be jealous of those large families when I am blessed with a beautiful, funny and loving Mama (Ma, pamasko naman diyan). And I get to celebrate everyday and every special occasion with her, what more can I ask for? :D
And for the last time, Merry Christmas! >:*<
Is “Christmases” even a legal word? Just a random thought.
Moving on, it’s Christmas Eve, which explains the first part of the title, and about the singing nuns, well, you’re about to see it…. now. So here it goes (I’m better telling stories visually so expect less words and more, oh uh, a lot, of pictures):
We attended the Christmas Eve mass in the chapel of St. Scholastica’s College. Stepping into that small yet spectacular place sure did bring back memories. It felt nice to return to that place I cherish (and the feeling’s mutual, hopefully).
There we go. The Christmas Eve Mass ended with the Benedictine sisters’ Christmas carols.
Just plain lovely.
Shots with my family and yep, that stuff toy’s a part of it. :D
Lookie at the cards I made for Mama. And I forgot to take a photo of it, but I also got a pair of sandals for my mom. I think this is the first Christmas she really did appreciate the gift I gave her, and of course, I’m proud to have finally “bull’s eye”-ed (that is NOT a word, I can’t find any other word that would suit the sentence, though) the gift she wanted to receive. :D
A few things I got today: German Cookies from the Benedictine Sisters and a perfume from my family. :”>
It’s 2AM now, and I’m still awake preparing this first blog post. I was no smooth storyteller, but I guess I made it clear that this day is really worth remembering. Now, I bet in a few minutes Santa’s going to knock on my door and cross me off his good girls Christmas list for staying up this late. So I better get going and sleep now. Good night! :D
Merry merry merry merry Christmas! :D
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